We have officially started our spring break. I had all these plans of things I wanted to get done this week, and now I’m not sure if any of it is going to happen. Friday morning I woke up with major pain in the front part of my right shoulder. For those of you who don’t know, I went through physical therapy on this shoulder about 3 years ago for an injury that happened about 4 years prior. It’s been doing pretty good since PT, and I kept up with most of the exercises I was suppose to do. I’ve even been doing some of the WII fit exercises, and it’s really been helping, a lot. I had been feeling better than I had in a long time. But something happened overnight Thursday night, and when I woke up Friday morning, wow, did it hurt. I haven’t a clue what happened, and tried to watch how I used it, a bit. But today, it is still hurting bad. I’m right handed, so I use it all the time. I will admit, I was in tears quite a bit this morning. Not only from the pain, but just the frustration of things I needed help with. When you have to ask your husband to help put on your deodorant for you, because bending your arm that way brings severe pain, well lets just say it’s very humbling.
So today I have truly been taking it easy. I have barely been on the computer (it irritates it if I type for too long), and after I finish this entry, I’ll be off the computer for the rest of the night. Even writing, if I’m not in the right position, will irritate it. I’m not sure what the doctor can do, but if it doesn’t ease up soon, I’ll go to the doctor and see what he says.
But I have been blessed by my family through this time. My husband hasn’t left my side, and will help me, gladly, with any thing I need help with. My kids are there for me with just one word, and they have all laid hands on me and prayed. And I’ll admit, that was very humbling too. I am very blessed by it, but also hate my kids seeing me ‘weak’ and in pain. And it reminded me of what I studied this morning.
In a weekly bible study I go to, we are studying Philippians and as I was working on it today, it was talking about Philippians 2:3a. That part of the verse says, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit.” Sometimes I liked to read from different versions, it helps me to understand the verses more. In the NLT it’s translated, “Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others.” That really hit me, that is what conceit is. And unfortunately, that is exactly how I tend to live. I want to make a good impression on people all the time. Not in a good way, but in a ‘see I’ve got my life all together, I don’t need anything, what can I help you with?” Yep, that is a very conceited, prideful, an arrogant attitude to have, but I’m just being honest here. It’s something I’ve dealt with for a long time, thinking the Lord will be happy with me if I do everything ‘right’. (I know it has nothing to do with salvation, I’m talking about Him being ‘happy’ with my day to day life). So I always want to have it all together, so He’ll be happy with me. But the Lord showed me a few days ago, in my personal bible time, Psalms 147:10, again the NLT – “He takes no pleasure in the strength of a horse or in human might.” Wow, that just hit me right in the heart. He takes no pleasure in human might. So all the things I ‘do’ to make Him happy, is not what He takes pleasure in. It was so great to read that, and just took such a huge weight off my shoulder (no pun intended).
So through the Lord and His Word, I’m trying to lean and trust in Him more. I’m learning it’s ok to ask my husband to do very personal things for me, and I’m blessed that he’s willing to do it. I’m blessed that my children will grow up knowing that their mom isn’t perfect, so they don’t get some weird sense of “I need to be perfect because mom was” mentality. But most of all I’m blessed that these verses have brought me even closer to the Lord and His heart, and for that I’m most thankful.
So my shoulder is still hurting, and I probably won’t to be able to do much of anything this week because of it. But I’m ok with that now. I will be smart, do what I need to do to get my shoulder feeling better, but I won’t stress about what won’t get done. I’ll rest in the Lord, and know that right now is a time of rest for me. It won’t be easy, I’m not one that rests real easy (just ask my husband). But I do ask for prayer. Not only for healing, but for wisdom of if I should go to the doctor, and if I should when.
